Lately, I’ve thought a lot about the making of promises. It seems we all have very widely differing opinions on exactly what a promise is, and I felt the need to express the increasing frustrations I feel about this difference of opinion.
People frequently make promises to me, about mundane or important matters. The issue at hand, though, is this: What exactly constitutes as making a promise? Deep, huh?
- “I’ll be back in a few.”
Is this a promise? If no, why is it not a promise? Do promises have to include the fragment “I promise” for them to be promises?
- “I will send you the results tomorrow.”
What about this one?
Moving on, we run into this: What constitutes breaking a promise?
Presuming that “I’ll be back in a few minutes” is a promise at all, what would be breaking that promise? Returning 10 minutes later, or 60 minutes later, or not returning at all? I think it’s fairly obvious that, presuming “I will send you the results tomorrow” is a promise, by not sending those results the following day would be breaking that promise.
It is obvious that most people have different opinions on which is which. Someone once said, “They [my friends] believe in me, because they know I do not lie,” and this mundane statement stuck to me and has stuck ever since. I want my friends to believe in me, and I want them to believe because I want them to know that every single thing that comes out of my mouth is the truth, as I know it.
Similarly, I want everyone to consider a promise that I make, small as large, as if I have already done what it is I am promising. I am beginning to realize the faultiness of this stance.
Because by striving toward these two goals — not lying and never breaking a promise — I am placing expectations about those around me that I might not have placed otherwise. I expect people to do what they promise to do, and I get very, very sad when they don’t.
I get sad when they don’t even apologize about breaking a promise.
I get sad when they even forget about said promise.
It’s as if promising something bears as much weight as saying it’s sunny outside. It’s just something you say to fill in the gaps in your sentences. Screw actually going through with the promised matter. Saying it is a conversational and polite thing to do, and will put a smile on someone’s face, and that’s all that matters. But I digress.
It’s a Utopian viewpoint I have, it’s a flawed viewpoint to have, but I think that if I can only come to terms with the fact some people don’t care about promises they make, and some do lie, then I may not be as upset about it as I become, right now.
Sunday, 13. August 2006
If someone says ‘I’ll be back in a few’ and isn’t back for hours or days, I don’t know if that is breaking a promise but I’m having a hard time thinking of a better word for it. I tend to associate a ‘promise’ or a ‘vow’ with something more … serious. But like I said, I can’t think of another way to describe something like that. Regardless, if they do it repeatedly it definitely constitutes them being unreliable and inconsiderate.
Sunday, 13. August 2006
I’ve felt similar frustration and I agree with you. Many people are far more liberal that me in keeping their word. I rarely if ever say anything or commit to something (small or big) if I do not mean it, and if I cannot follow through, it’s a VERY big deal to me. As such, I expect the same from others but have learned that we all make the fundamental mistake in assuming people think exactly as we do. It leads mostly to disappointment. Question is, which person is worth adapting to?
Life seems to be adaptation, not just to events, jobs, education, but also adapting to the people who come in and out of our lives. Dealing with disappointment caused by broken promises, or more generally someone not following through on their word, is very difficult to manage… If you figure it out, do let me know.