A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to study Japanese. I’m to this day not sure why, but together with my good friend Kenneth (who shortly thereafter jumped ship, whereas I continued forward) began to delve into the mysterious land of the weirdly-shaped squigglies.
During this time, I also got in contact for the first time with my girlfriend. I had decided at some point that the best way to learn is to simply start talking to Japanese people, so I looked around and signed up for this “find friends” web site, saying I was looking for people all over Japan who could tell me about their city. You see, I was planning on going to Japan to study, but I had no idea about where in Japan I wanted to go — I knew I did not want to go to Tokyo, but that was about it.
So shortly thereafter, I got dozens of emails from Japanese people. Or should I say, Japanese girls. The guys seem to have reservations about talking to other guys, for some reason. Even today, 3 years later, I still don’t know what’s up with that, though I have my (qualified) guesses.
Regardless, one of those dozens of people happened to be my girlfriend. We got off on a pretty rough start, to be honest. We more or less got into an argument right after the “hello”, and it kind of continued like that the nextcoming months, with us having our little bouts here and there. Despite these little bouts, the one person I continued talking to for any lengthier period of time was my girlfriend. The others peetered out into nothingness, whereas the relationship between me and her kept growing stronger. I had no feelings beyond friendship toward her at all, at that point.
She came to Sweden for the first time in April 2007, a little over a year after we first started talking (in February 2006), and spent a week touring Stockholm with me. It was during this time that we got together, and the time we could spend to dwell on our newfounded relationship in person, was fleeting. She returned to Japan and neither of us shed a tear. It was when I got back to my apartment that I really felt that something was missing, but it was fleeting. She’d only been there for a week after all.
The months that came, I made a lot of important decisions. In the end, I hadn’t really been inspired by any of the prefectures in Japan, so I decided to send out emails to a buttload of schools that seemed promising. I sent out about 40 emails and got replies ranging from:
“helo
thank u for emial !!!!!!!^.^”
(and nothing else written beyond that, no application forms, etc) to emails that looked like anything a professional native would whip up. One of the latter was from a school here in Kyoto, which I ended up choosing due to the friendliness and helpfulness of the principal.
My girlfriend and I decided that she should come spend a month in Sweden in August (2007), and so we were together for a second time. To be objective about the time is impossible, because it just wasn’t normal. We were living a sort of dream, with no problems, no responsibilities, and all the time in the world to do whatever we wanted — I was having a summer vacation at my school, and had enough money to survive without taking on a job.
At least that was how it was before her return-date came closer. In the end, we found ourselves once more doing the farewell thing, and this time as well, no shedding of tears on her sake, and none on mine. Not that we weren’t sad, mind you. It’s just that, at least in my case, if I started I know it’d just make things worse, and I think she had the same idea. Watching her back as she walked through security, I realized I wouldn’t see her for another 8 months. Presuming my plans to go to Japan actually worked out right.
I will soon have been in Japan for a whole year (April 5th, to be precise), and during this time we have both gone through a lot of things together, some good, some bad, some disastrous, but we’ve somehow managed to get through to the other side, if a bit roughed up. Each time a hardship has come our way, we’ve overcome it and grown stronger, both individually — especially I — but also as a couple. It’s a normal thing, I guess, but I marvel at it sometimes.
Last Sunday (the 1st of March), my girlfriend and I walked around Kyoto and looked at temples, ate lunch at an Italian restaurant, dinner at an exclusive restaurant in Hotel Granvia near Kyoto Station, overlooking the city lights. Afterwards before we went to her parents’ place that night, I asked her if she would marry me, and she said ‘yes.’ And no tears were shed. And the smile on her face was exactly right, somehow.
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Wow, congratulations!
Will this change your plans to return to Sweden long-term? Maybe fall into the Japanese salaryman ways…
Also out of interest have you guys managed to agree on which date you celebrate your ‘anniversary’ as it were – the time when the friendship turned into dating?
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Thank you, Mark!
Hehe, well, my plan remains as it were, but it doesn’t exclude Japan entirely. I’ll be going home to get a university diploma. After that, god knows where we’ll end up living. Since the field I want to work in (AI) is bigger in Japan than it is in Sweden, so I may very well end up working here in the end.
As for date, yeah, we pretty much know when we went into the dating stage. It was April 10th, 2007, so two years in a month and five days.
Why? Do you guys have trouble figuring that one out? *grin*
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Kinda
We decided on August 6th 2006.
Is your fiancé (got used to that word yet? Heh!) able to take her job/career with her to Sweden too?
Next it’ll be organising your wedding! :-O
We’re already thinking about our trip back to the UK next year, as we’ll do the whole wedding ceremony thing there at that time, so already we have to think about booking a venue etc. In fact we’re taking a look at a couple of places when we fly back there to visit in three weeks time.
Went to a wedding fayre at a hotel here a couple of weeks ago just to see what the deal is if we were to do it here (which we actually can’t due to family health issues). And damn is it seriously expensive!
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Congratulations, welcome to the club
Thursday, 5. March 2009
My fiancé (lol! no that’ll take some time!) isn’t really able to, but then again she doesn’t really *have* a career to begin with. Right now she’s just doing a part-time job, since she got off her school. She’s been looking for jobs but since I’ve been talking about going back to Sweden for a long time, she hasn’t been doing it 100%. We had a discussion a long time ago where she asked me if I had any concerns with the two of us, and that if I didn’t she’d simply presume that we’ll be together forever and plan her life that way. So that’s how it’s gone.
The wedding… yeah. The deal is, she wants to do a Japanese wedding, and I personally despise Swedish weddings (we non-christians put on our little christian-for-a-day cap and go to church, etc … there are alternatives, of course, but a lot of people do the christian way still), so I think we’ll end up doing the wedding here in Japan. Presuming, of course, the parents even approve.
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Lacroa: thanks!
Thursday, 5. March 2009
That’s pretty bold of her asking such a question (“be together forever”), good on her!
Yeah I know what you mean about the religion thing. I’m not religious either so we’re not doing the church thing, we’re looking at hiring a small hotel and doing a small affair there with about 20-25 people over a day or two.
I guess you’ll be off to a fayre or two yourself then in the near future
Good luck, they’re pretty lush affairs if the one I’ve been to is any indication. Also make sure you check out a kagami biraki (wiki it) – pretty sweet, heh!
Thursday, 5. March 2009
*laughs* She IS bold, if anything … damn tomboy.
Yeah, we’re thinking of something very small ourselves. Just the families. We’ll see what the check lands on though. Unfortunately traditions here declare that I pay for most or all of it (or rather, my family, which equals ‘I’ because my family would just laugh if I asked them to pay for a wedding). Poor student me. I guess the instant ramen/instant curry combo will have to be my trump card for awhile yet.
I’m not sure about fayres! We haven’t really talked about attending one, since we’re planning things on such a microscopic scale in comparison. One dress for her, which is, I hear, quite frugal (…?), and no party afterwards, just go to some nice restaurant or such, where we pay for everyone’s food, and that’s about that. I doubt any of my family members will even be able to attend, but I’m going to push for my mom at least to drag her ass over here.
I read up on Kagami biraki but I’m confused now. It seemed to be two articles in one, one about breaking open a sake cask, and one about rice cakes (mochi), or am I confused now?
Thursday, 5. March 2009
Definitely the sake cask thing
Yup I’m with you there on the whole ‘paying for it ourselves’ thing as unfortunately my family also cannot help. But an advantage of a Japanese-style affair is that all your guests pay between 1-3 man to attend, which can mean you get sometimes up to 2/3 of the wedding costs back! And because you pay the bill only *after* the deed (and counting of the received money) it means the layout isn’t quite so hard on the wallet. I was actually thinking that this “tradition” is possibly a part of why weddings here seem so overpriced compared to other countries as certainly the UK has no such tradition.
I really want to take one of those casks to the UK to break it open at my wedding!
Thursday, 5. March 2009
LOL! I hear you on the cask! I’m intrigued now that I’ve given it some thought. Oh and the 1-3 man part I had no idea about. Well, I knew “people give money”, but I didn’t realize it was to the extent of “all your guests”. Makes sense though, and as you say, yeah, it might explain something about the wedding prices.
Unfortunately my Swedish relatives will doubtlessly ignore any such traditions. Lucky me, I get the best of two worlds.
(would’ve been awesome if you got married in e.g. Sweden where it’s literally free, and had lots and lots of Japanese guests who gave you lots of money… *dreams about that for awhile* ah well, back to reality).
Friday, 6. March 2009
Congrats!
Weddings in Japan is big business. I had one myself about a year ago.
Even the cheaper places are expensive compared to Sweden.
But that is mostly because you buy a package.
Everything can be included.
Normally I should have paid everything but we made a deal that I paid for my guests and my wife for hers. Which basically meant I had to pay more anyway because of Japanese giving the money gift, even though guest count was 30 vs 60. My Swedish guests brought normal gifts as per Swedish traditions.
The Japanese guests adapt their gift depending on how expensive they estimate the arrangement to be. (so I’ve been told) so if you have an expensive arrangement, they give more.
My Japanese colleague is getting married in Singapore. He will pay the flights for all guests…
Considering that, my wedding was cheap….
Friday, 6. March 2009
Congratulations to you both! I hope she knows how lucky she is.
Friday, 6. March 2009
Congratulations, KB! I wish you both allllll the happiness in the world. You are a most wonderful person, and no doubt, you are both lucky to have one another to share your lives with.
Sending hugs and love! xooxx
Friday, 6. March 2009
Congratulations!
I assume there is some tradition in Japan to formally ask the parents. Have you done that yet?
Friday, 6. March 2009
Woohoo! Well done, sir!
Friday, 6. March 2009
Wow… thanks a lot, everyone!
Anders: Ahh, that makes sense yeah (the pay according to how expensive you estimate it to be). And my girlfriend and I discussed possibly splitting things (if not 50/50, then maybe 75/25 or so) — after all, I *am* a student.
Stace: *giggles* I doubt it! ;P
Gaby: *laughs* Thanks a lot, GB.
Erwin: Yeah, there is. It’s backwards from e.g. the U.S. in that you first ask the girl, then the parents. So I haven’t asked the parents yet, but we’re working on that one.
I more or less know what to say and such … it’s just a matter of getting arrangements done (I realized I have no tie… and I need to sort of wear formal clothes on the day).
Zell: Wow, Zell! Thanks!
Friday, 6. March 2009
CONGRATULATIONS!! I’m so very happy for you, Kalle! I’m wishing the best for you always!
Friday, 6. March 2009
Thank you lots, Annie.
Saturday, 7. March 2009
Hey Kalle! Congrats! Scott and I are coming up on our 5 year anniversary now
I was wondering when you were going to ask her. I am glad you found someone to make you happy, and I wish you both the best!
Saturday, 7. March 2009
Thank you, Kim!
Wow, you guys are at 5 years already?? :O And I kept thinking you got together a few years ago. *grin*
Monday, 9. March 2009
WOOOOOOOOOW!
The best of luck to you my friend. Came like a real shocker I must say ^.^
After reading the comments above I’m having a hard time coming up with anything to say that has not already been said. O.o
*hug*
Monday, 9. March 2009
Thank you, man.
Not sure if the shocker was irony or not, but 1) if it was, then well, I’m a man of surprises, and 2) if it wasn’t, well, I guess you know me better than I do! 
Friday, 20. March 2009
Awww!
Congratulations Kalle (can I call you that?)!
And wow, this was quite a while ago, too. Hahas, look at all the wonderful things I miss when I am too busy studying for exams!
Regardless, I am so happy for you.
Friday, 20. March 2009
Thank you, Shiho! And yeah, everyone calls me Kalle!
Friday, 20. March 2009
Time goes by pretty quick Kalle
Be sure to slide over/post some pics of it for us!
Friday, 20. March 2009
Will do!
But the wedding’s not going to be in awhile. At the earliest it’ll be this fall, but I somehow doubt that will work out, timewise. Those temples fill up their bookings pretty far ahead, it seems.
Wednesday, 25. March 2009
Congratulations mate! I’m back in Sweden now, desperately searching for an apartment, a job etc hehe.
. No plans for when and where yet though.
Oh and by the way, I’m getting married as well
Good luck with your studies.
Saturday, 28. March 2009
Thanks, Tomas. Yeah, I was wondering what would happen with the two of you once you returned.